


amsterdam

by hairtiesoncuffs



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Spoilers for Season 2, haha angst, he really did just die wow, i don't honestly think i tried, i'm too tired to try for actual tags, it's just a mess, like seriously really really needs a hug, no beta we die like ben, so this is just what happens after, uh okay so basically, yeah i didn't check aNYTHING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25641196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hairtiesoncuffs/pseuds/hairtiesoncuffs
Summary: Here’s the thing: Klaus never had to mourn Ben, not like his siblings did.Ben came to him seconds after the rest of them left the courtyard and Klaus made empty promises so that Ben would stay. His brother, Number Six, has been with him since death and yeah, he got attached, he became dependent, sue him, but Klaus hasn’t ever mourned Ben. He’s never had to.title from the coldplay song.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 26
Kudos: 356





	amsterdam

**Author's Note:**

> hey, i watched the entirety of season 2 because why not. 
> 
> holy crap the angst i cant even begin to process anything so here's a word vomit i made.
> 
> this fic is literally a mess i'm so sorry.

Klaus wakes up on a hard tile floor, his hair brushing against Allison’s ribcage as Vanya’s voice calls the rest of his mind to consciousness. “Are you okay?” she asks, voice light and breathy, pale and worried but okay. He makes a quip or two, stares up at his sister, and then he feels it. 

Ben is gone. As in, more than just out-of-his-line-of-vision gone. Klaus, after spending seventeen years with him and after being surrounded by ghosts for so much of his childhood, can sense where they are in a room, and _Ben isn’t here._ His hands go up to his temples, tapping one side as if it’ll bring his brother to him and reaches out, feeling for any and all spirits in the vicinity because _goddamnit, this is Ben and Ben is worth being circled by ghosts._ (He does not think about the way his followers flock to him, touch him, surround him like the spirits to the point where he can’t breathe and thinks he’s suffocating in their presence as Ben scolds him for flipping out and running away.)

But he can’t see him. Diego stands up, followed by Allison and his siblings move down the hall and to the window with Vanya hanging back just the slightest bit to cast a worried look at him as his eyebrows knit together. (She knows something.) _Come on, Ben, get over here,_ he thinks, frantically looking around again, this time fast enough to make his hair whip him in the face but Ben still isn’t anywhere. He can’t see his brother (his dead brother) at all. 

Vanya steps closer to Allison as Klaus presses his back against the desk, unaware of what he’s doing until it’s too late and his hands are glowing blue and there are ghosts of the FBI agents screaming at him, screaming at Vanya and saying that they _can’t see, what happened to my eyes, why can’t I see? Klaus, Klaus, Klaus, answer us, talk to me,_ and that asshole who was dead in Allison’s living room is there too, silent except for the choking noise he makes when he tries to breathe, not realizing that ghosts don’t fucking need to breathe. No Ben. 

Diego is out the door and Allison and Vanya are at the window and three shots go off and it reminds him too much of the day Ben died. (No, he wasn’t shot, Ben fucking ripped himself apart. More specifically, the Eldritch tentacles ripped him apart (and splattered blood all over the fresh white walls, such a nice color, but apparently red was in season because one minute Ben was on his left, screaming mingling with the ghosts and greeting them like they were old friends, and the next he was everywhere). That coffin was ornamental (there was nothing they could save, just chunks of meat and flesh) but the bullets hit the pillar next to him as ghosts screamed and Klaus’s hands glowed blue for no reason.) Klaus can’t. He just can’t.

His sisters find him on the floor, unblinking, unresponsive, practically catatonic, and get Diego to pick him up and drag him home because Klaus can’t process the fact that Ben isn’t next to him, pressing a hand into Klaus’s to keep him grounded.

* * *

Here’s the thing: Klaus never had to mourn Ben, not like his siblings did. 

Ben came to him seconds after the rest of them left the courtyard and Klaus made empty promises so that Ben would stay. His brother, Number Six, has been with him since death and yeah, he got attached, he became dependent, sue him, but Klaus hasn’t ever mourned Ben. He’s never had to. 

But now? 

Klaus can hear the TV downstairs, can hear his siblings' names being called out on the news along with his own but he can’t give a shit because Ben is fucking gone and he knows he should have done something, even let Ben posses him again. At least that way they’d both be there for Vanya and Ben wouldn’t be frolicking around in the afterlife. It’s selfish and Klaus hates himself for even thinking it, but it’s _Ben._

Don’t get Klaus wrong, he’s glad Ben got the happily ever after he deserved because putting up with him for seventeen years, he knows how fucking hard that is and that when all his other siblings gave up, Ben was there and always trying. There’s nothing he deserves more than this but Klaus isn’t ready to let him go. He’ll never be. 

(First, first it’s his siblings as their voices started to merge with those of the ghosts and they all faded under the influence of drugs and booze as Ben was spit back in his face, and then it’s Dave because Klaus can’t have nice things, there’s a reason he doesn’t get attached to material items and to most people, and now Ben all over again and Klaus should know that nothing can last for him.) 

He manages to drag himself out of bed and down the stairs as Allison lays out the facts, only half-listening before answering Vanya in the manner he had before all of this time-travel shit, sounding high as a kite and with an attitude so detached it could get up and walk away from him. Klaus says something to Diego that’s followed by arguing then checks the fuck out of the conversation until Vanya comes back down the stairs and announces that she’s leaving, woah, Vanya, when did she decide this?

She gets all emotional and tells them she wants them by her side and wow, fuck, Ben’s been by _his_ side for this long and now? Vanya? Really? He doesn’t agree with Diego but doesn’t say anything and doesn’t meet Vanya’s eyes because what is he supposed to _say_ to her? _Hey, sorry that you killed Ben, did he leave any last words for me?_

But then he’s walking out the door after her and slipping into the car and typically Ben would be in the backseat but he’s not. Klaus ignores this, or rather, lack of this-ness.

“So, so, so,” he says, getting settled in the passenger seat and meeting her eyes. “Ben, huh? Gone forever. Isn’t he?” Vanya gives him this little nod and little smile that’s probably supposed to be sympathetic but Klaus just isn’t getting that from her. He feels bad about his next question because it’s wrong and selfish and he shouldn’t be asking this, he and everyone else besides Vanya saw Ben die and she was the one to hug his ghost as he went but she takes a deep breath and tells him Ben was fucking scared. 

Ben wasn’t staying just because of Klaus, some part of him wanted to and Klaus has been blaming himself for so long and what the fuck, Ben. He stayed because he wanted to be with Klaus and because he didn’t want to let go just as much as Klaus. 

Then everyone’s in the car and there’s no space for Ben even if he was here.

* * *

He’s here. Alive and in front of him, this person walking around with Ben’s face but it’s not Ben because there’s a scar next to his nose and his hair isn’t slicked back and he’s asking, “who the hell are these assholes?” to Reginald in a tone that sounds nothing like the brother he was used to it actually scares him. Not-Ben glares as Reginald stares at them like they’re strangers in the Umbrella (Sparrow) Academy. 

Klaus can’t put forth the effort to breathe and say, “shit,” with his siblings because Not-Ben is looking right at him and his eyes are so hard and angry and he can’t deal with another screaming ghost, not now, not Ben, so he puts his hands over his ears and closes his eyes and screams before Ben can.


End file.
